Na na na na
Alone
na na na
Sniff.
It's tough. Sniff.
It's hard to gulp down. Probably should'nt have met. Probably should'nt have gotten close. This is a faaaaar cry from those days. The days of butterflies inside. The days of,"Oh Christ, what've I done to get this lucky??".
Gawwwwd. It's painful to even think about. Aaaaahhhh.
Was someone's marriage. Don't even remember whose. Only remember her at the marriage. HER. WOW. Can't say what it was about her. Good-looking enough, but not intimidatingly so. Nice enough, but not naively so. Homely enough, not blandly so.
Watched her from a distance. Her face was adorned with the courteous warmth that suits these functions. Such a master, she is. Look at her go, polishing off those invitees. All smile and grace. So in her element.
She's wearing a gorgeous green chiffon saree. Amazing how a piece of clothing that covers so much can be so seductive. Every movement she makes is a celebration. I thank Him for the feelings I was going through. More than the possession of beauty, the appreciation of it is important. All of art depends on that.
Questions cloud my head (with why)
Tears on my pillow (as I cry)
Makes no sense to say (goodbye)
Impossible to hide the pain (inside)
She settles down to sit in the third row. The vibe I get from her is of a deep contentment, a lake-like calm. That's so alien to a fretty guy like me, but oh-so-attractive. The seat next to her is free. Suddenly I get this this-is-it feeling. I feel like I really needed to be in that seat, talking to her. I go forward.
Her face is open when she sees me. Hi, I'm this person's brother's-sister's-cousin's son. How are you ? Her eyes light up. "Oh hiiii, so YOU are her son. How are you? Come, sit".
We continued to talk. Awwww. I mean my mouth was talking. I was totally somewhere else. Had to try and focus so she was'nt left high and dry in between. Her eyes, her lips, her voice. Awwwww.
"It's been great talking to you. Here's my email ID. Let's catch up sometime, OK? Bye." Sometime? When's that gonna be?
We continue over the weeks through the net. She tells me about her passion for dance. I tell her about my plans for the future. You seem to have figured it all out, she says. Of course, I would'nt tell her how bloody lost I really was. I have to be this cocky, optimistic yuppie. Weakness is not expected from men.
Did'nt really have to propose to her. As we continued later on the phone, our voices became softer, our tones coochiecoo-er, our relationship clearer. Those were some feverish nights. Sure it was cheesy, but we need a little fat to cook anything, don't we?
I been sitting here waiting (by the phone)
Give anything to hear (your tone)
It was all my fault (I know)
Now I just stand here (alone)
Walking by the beach, holding hands. This is my first date, she says. Just the way I like it. The coy clumsiness is lost after that one time. She'd no clue about how her off-key movements were making me feel. I felt blessed.
At Barista. Listen, I'm not doing this for fun, I say. I want to marry you. What do you say? "Hmm. Haha." Hmm? Haha? What does that mean? She looks at me. I can see she's looking for something in my face, searching for something to convince her. She's using her uniquely female radar to confirm if I'm indeed The One. Uh-oh. This is a screening process like no other.
"Talk to my parents, sweetie". Great! That means two things. One, she approves, and two, she wants me to take the lead. She just wants to be swept away, like every girl.
That night was the happiest of my life. Opened a few drinks with friends. Party time. Whooooooo!! I was high, drunk like never before. You know why people drink? Cos they want to be movie stars. Yep. That's right. Being drunk gives them the guts, and more importantly the license, to act like their favorite heroes. For a few moments in time, they get to be the centre of the universe. They get their five minutes.
Heroes are'nt afraid of speaking their minds, or declaring their love. And I was about to do just that. I wanted to call her. I wanted to tell her how much I love her in the most 'filmi', unforgettable way possible. I can tell you, I was up for it. Hooooo yeah. HIC.
I dial her number. "Honeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, HIC!". "You are the light of my dayyyyyyy, the beat of my hearrrrrrrrrrt, the tune of my souuullllllll, and I love youuuuuuuuuuu, HIC!!"
"WHO THE HELL IS THIS???"
OH GOD!!! It's her DAD!!!
Sniff.
It's been so many days. And she's yet to forgive me. Don't you think that's a bit harsh? She doesn't take my calls. She says that, now that I've impressed her dad with the most becoming of introductions, I may not even bother about meeting him in person. Her parents are everything to her, and I have to win them over, she says.
Hmmm. I got to think up something. This is a tricky bridge that I've got to cross, I agree. But her face is all I need to burn all my bridges. I can't lose her. I can't.
So alone without (you)
Where'd you go I miss my (baby boo)
It's a shame cos I can't breathe (without you)
Please come back girl, cos I'm missing youuuu......
Wish me luck.
